Crawling, kicking, scratching, fighting
Slipping more with each attempt
Straining,running, falling, failing
then....
SNAP
The antlion is full

When I wake up
   my heart breaks again

when I wake up
   the panic urges me to use

when I wake up
    devils whisper weakness to my neck

when I wake up 
    I go to work
    I give what effort I have 
    to do the best I can
when I wake up

Silent, still is the empowered mind
Quiet is the soul of the faithful
    Strong is his back
        Limber, her limbs
  And joyous is their breath
   Together they flow and swirl 
Dancing in ephemeral eddies of energy
    Progressing ever onward 

I will keep breathing
            forgiving
            listening
            believing

I will be supple 
          creative
          silent
          encouraging

I will cultivate discipline
                 compassion
                 restraint
                 understanding

To become sober
          abundant
          radiant
          and free

My heart feels like a bomb from the pressure of my devotion.
As if it would burst from intensity of emotion.

When I see a game or book that in your childhood you knew,
tears stream down my face, thinking how fast you grew.

You’ve watched my every move, learning more than what I’ve taught.
I pray you don’t inherit the demons I have fought.

I wish I could give you everything, and spare you both every sorrow.
Instead I must trust from seeds planted today,
you’ll reap abundance and joy tomorrow.