
Author Archives: Jeff Opfer
Modoc County Cops: Yet Another Reason to Despise California
It’s true: not a lot of native Nevadans are thrilled with Californians, but that’s mostly because they’re an invasive species in our state. I find my favorite Californians are the ones who DON’T move to Nevada, but I have to make an exception for the Modoc County Rollers INC. I’m talking about the cops and associated legal folks there.
I’ve been working in Washington State, despite my deep a Nevadan roots, and while returning from a visit to Nevada, my buddy and I were stopped because we “took off” (according to the arrest report) when the police rolled by. We didn’t “take off”; we were more “turning right”, but they saw fit to pull us over, citing some malfunctioning toplight bull shit that was never mentioned again. This unwarranted stop led to my friend’s arrest. I actually wasn’t arrested, which was a welcome change for me. And they did drop me off at a gas station in their podunk town with a crippled dog and no shade instead of leaving me on the side of the road, which I was grateful for.
While imprisoned their for five days, my buddy met a fellow inmate who had been there much longer, and who provided him with a handwritten list of Title 15 Violations and Modoc County corruption that he wanted to get to someone who could help. While typing up the list for distribution, it occured to me I might as well talk about it here.
I have my doubts about anybody helping, but I hope I’m wrong. I don’t know where this list is being sent, but I have transcribed it here exactly as it was written. The list was originally bullet pointed, but I used spaces here instead.
Title 15 Violations
Kitchen cleanliness is substandard e.g. bathroom plunger often found in the kitchen sink and drain.
Unsupervised general population inmates prepare food for protective custody inmates. The food and water is often tampered with or contaminated.
There is no certified nutritionist regulating the menu.
The kitchen grill caught fire, and instead of using the fire suppression system in the range hood, the C.O.’s used a fire extinguisher to put out the fire. The C.O.’s then used inmates’ towels to wipe up the fire retardant from the hot grill. The towels picked up hot embers from the grill and were thrown into the laundry room where they continued to smolder for another 24 hours. The embers were on the verge of igniting fully and causing a structure fire before the head Sgt. noticed and extinguished them.
Inmates are not medically screened before handling and preparing food and water for the entire jail. Some inmates working for the kitchen are known to have S.T.D.’s.
Black mold was found in multiple showers throughout the jail. Sierra, E,C and D tanks. The jail staff were notified and no action was taken. There are 10+ witnesses to this negligence.
Multiple showers are not operational.
One water heater failed and half of the jail population went over 5 weeks without hot water in which to bathe.
There are multiple building code violations.
The ceiling leaks when it rains. The water runs down the walls and puddles in the cells.
When it rains heavily in Alaturas, the ground water rises so high the jail floods through the floor and shower drains with sewer water. When this occurs, inmates are forced to NOT shower and squeegee or mop the water out of the hallways and cells.
C.O.’s had inmates clean feces from cells and safety cell with no Personal Protective Equipment for cleaning hazards materials. Only latex gloves and mop buckets were provided. Hazmat issue.
C.O.’s have inmates cleaning urine and semen from patrol vehicles with no Personal Protective Equipment. Only latex gloves are provided. Hazmat issue.
C.O.’s not performing hourly checks on inmates. Inmates left unchecked outside in yard and library so long that they urinate and defecate in the corners. Inmates forced to clean with no Personal Protective Equipment. Hazmat team needed.
Female C.O.’s NOT on duty at all times.
Poor medical program with virtually no psych treatment.
No education or group programs available.
Limited access to hair clippers (weekends only).
Limited access to razors for shaving (mornings only and at C.O.’s discretion).
Jail received large sum of grant money for upgrades and maintenance. No upgrades or maintenance performed.
Modoc Corruption
Nina Salarno was fired from Auburn, CA for mental instability.
Nina Salarno’s sister was killed in a domestic violence dispute. This is a conflict of interest: she should not be able to prosecute people.
Richard Cotta used to be a public defender in Modoc County. He has too much inside information on the people he prosecutes and should not be able to do so due to conflict of interest.
The D.A. overcharges people to keep them incarcerated and sways public opinion and the judge’s opinion about the defendants.
The D.A. posts arrests and charges online prior to any convictions to sway public opinion the incarcerated. There is no way to have a fair trial in Modoc county. There should be a gag order on all cases until there is a conviction.
The D.A. does not care about justice; they only care about the conviction rate. Nina thinks Alturas is just a bunch of dumb rednecks who she can bend to her will. After boosting her conviction rate, she plans to return to the city to better herself.
The community in Alturas has sent over 93 complaint letters to the Attorney General in California, and no action was taken. The community then started sending letters to the D.O.J., prompting an investigation into Nina and Richard.
The D.A. has been providing victims through Teach with cellphones and funding assistance then threatening to take those things away or get CPS involved to take children away if any statements are recanted.
Franky Widby at Alturas P.D. is being investigated by the D.A. for false or incomplete police reports.
The D.A. is threatening to file charges against the public defenders for dissuading victims if they attempt to be mediators between parties.
The D.A. is threatening to file dissuading charges against the P.I. Mike and Denise for speaking with victims and/or doing their job of investigating all parties involved in each case. The D.A. does not like any pushback.
The D.A. is keeping people incarcerated with no evidence. If the incarcerated are falsely imprisoned, then they may file lawsuits and bankrupt the county.
Multiple correction officers and a sergeant have quit working at Modoc County jail in the last 7 months due to mismanagement and corruption (8 officers in total).
Hard Hat Jesus
Doug thought the Nevada skies were as blue and bright as the eyes of sweet Jesus himself. The Elko desert spread out before him in every direction. Pungent sage gripped the dry earth; cicadas buzzed like hundreds of tiny rattlesnakes. Doug and his uncle had parked their beat-up, diesel-fueled Ford to the side of the dirt road that cut a swath through the tenacious sagebrush and outcroppings of skin-tearing desert granite. A dusty apparition had risen behind their vehicle as soon as they turned onto the dirt road and haunted their progress until they stopped, where it settled back beneath the tires which had animated it. Doug listened to the tick of the cooling engine. He liked the hardy beauty of the desert, especially in the evening when the sun lit the landscape with its dying purple tones. But now the sun was just rising, and the day would be long and hot.
Doug thought about how much his father would have liked this scene, though he wouldn’t have liked why they were out here. Unc always called Doug’s father—also named Doug—”Dougley-Do-Right”, a name his father hated. Unc and Doug Sr. were about as different as brothers could be, and the rebel teen in Doug Jr. always admired the over-grown bad boy who was Unc. On Doug Jr.’s fourteenth birthday, his father died of a heart attack, and Jr. went to live with his uncle.
Doug approached his uncle, who stood near the driver’s side with the door open.
“What you doing there, Unc?”
Unc shook out a couple caterpillar-shaped lines of cocaine into the grooves in the seat of the Ford.
“All right then, I’ll grab some brews.” Doug reached into a cooler stowed in the back of the truck and freed a pair of beers lodged in the ice. He popped the tops with the edge of Unc’s lighter before taking a long pull on one and placing the other on the hood for Unc. Doug thought he would never taste a beer as good again.
“Thanks, boy,” said Unc and snorted the mixture of cocaine and desert dust through an old rolled-up dollar bill. He handed the bill to Doug and drained his own beer in several gulps. Unc grinned—something he only did when he was feeling right. Sober, Unc was silent and cold as marble.
They each pounded several more beers and snorted another fat line of coke. Faces numb, hearts pounding, they shouldered their camouflaged deer rifles—both thirty-aught-six, mounted with scopes, filled with long and wicked ammunition.
They hiked along the dirt road, their only conversation the crunch of their footsteps and the clinking of the beer bottles in Doug’s backpack. The sun rose steadily; the day grew hotter. Paranoia crept up on Doug, and with good reason. Deer season didn’t open for another two months. He wondered if poaching deer was a sin. He didn’t want to poach, but they didn’t put in for tags—Unc said only Californians and faggots put in for tags. And God certainly didn’t go for homosexuals, so how could He frown on poaching?
Unc picked his way uphill through thickening sagebrush. The air was heavy with the musk of the Nevada desert—sage and dusty earth.
Doug tried to lose himself in the euphoria of the coke, but when that failed he did what he always did when he was nervous and started talking.
“I’ll tell you what Unc, that sure is some good shit. I thought you was getting ripped off at that price, but my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my goddamn chest.”
“Yeah, I know, right?” Unc turned around as he spoke and the bore of his rifle gaped at Doug for an instant. Doug took an involuntary step back.
“Hey, you know, maybe we should of brought them vests with us,” said Doug, referring to the dirty, orange safety vests still wadded up under the driver’s seat in the pick-up. Both men were dressed cap to bootheel in desert camouflage—more to hide from people then the partially color-blind deer.
“You want to get caught?” Unc’s cigarette-battered voice made him sound like he was about to hack up steel wool and broken glass.
“Well, no. I don’t. But there ain’t nobody out here, and I just think, well, you know.”
“Will you loosen up and stop with all that sissy choir-boy shit? You’re just like your old man. Fucking Do-Right, Jr.” Unc shook his head and fired a snot rocket into the sagebrush.
Unc continued up the hill.
“Safety first, that’s all.” The perspiration soaking through his clothes made Doug feel like he’d just stepped out of a sweat lodge.
“No vests,” said Unc, his tone settling the issue.
Doug slipped on a sand-covered stone and dropped his rifle—CRACK!
Unc hunched into himself like he’d been clubbed over the head as the round tore up the ground a few feet in front of them. The cicadas went mute, but ringing filled both men’s ears.
“Jesus jumped-up Christ! You trying to kill me?” yelled Unc. Doug readied himself for an ass-kicking, but Unc only let out a whoop like a deranged Indian. “Goddamn, boy. I’m going to need myself some new drawers. Shit, give me one of them beers.”
Doug hands shook so badly he could barely pop the tops. Unc took a snort directly from his baggie of coke and eyeballed his nephew.
“What’s the matter? All shook up? Here, have a little bump to steady your nerves.” Unc passed the cocaine to his nephew. After his bump, Doug drank his beer and imagined how terrible killing Unc would have been—the splattered blood, the shattered bone. The two of them didn’t really have any family left—just their mother. But she wouldn’t come to Unc’s funeral. Doug would be the only person standing over Unc’s closed casket, the only person shedding tears. Unc had a wife once, but she left when Doug came to live there. Sometimes Unc said fuck her, family sticks together; sometimes Unc said he hated Doug for chasing off the only woman he ever loved. The fact she would have left anyway didn’t make Doug feel any better.
What did make Doug—and Unc for that matter—feel better was slamming more beer and snorting more coke.
“You think they’re over that ridge, Unc? I think they are. I can feel them. Remember a couple years back when we came out not too far from here?”
Unc nodded.
“And we saw them as soon as we came over that ridge, like this one, and they were all there, and you just whipped up your rifle and fired once and they all took off and you thought you missed?”
“And then we humped over there to check,” said Unc, “and there was that big old buck lying in the snow with the top of his skull blowed off.”
“And there was that mess of brains,” continued Doug, “steaming in the snow next to him, remember that? I still can’t believe you made that shot.”
“Yeah,” said Unc, “and his tongue was sticking out like this.” He twisted his head to one side, doing his best dead deer impression. Both men laughed. Their laughter died, then their conversation. They finished their beers and were back on their way.
They neared the crest of the ridge in silence.
At the top, something bolted between them. Though it couldn’t possibly be a deer, both men brought their rifles to their shoulders and found themselves aiming at one another.
Doug’s heart felt like it was trying to escape through his sternum.
“Boy,” said Unc, “we’re fixing to kill each other if we stay together.” Unc pointed east where huge sagebrush and a few fierce trees reached up from the desert hard pack. “You head over that way. I’ll go this way. If you see any bucks—hell, any kind of deer—try to flush them to me. I’ll do the same.”
Doug crashed through the tall sage and around rocky outcroppings. His mind wasn’t on the hunt anymore. He felt a pleasant haze despite the heat of the day. He wasn’t worried about poaching fines anymore; he felt invincible. He wasn’t worried about his job at the factory, or about how much he’d been missing church recently due to his hang-overs. His twenty-eighth birthday was coming up and he finally had someone to celebrate it with besides Unc—an overweight but pretty gal he’d met at a bar with a mechanical bull. His first serious girlfriend. She laughed often in piercing bursts, a kind of shriek that Doug found annoying, but he liked her. No person, especially female, had ever treated him with the tenderness she did. Her hands were soft, light, and she smelled sweet, like baking cookies. He loved the way she smelled most of all. He imagined himself marrying her, walking down the aisle with his hair slicked back and his unruly whiskers tamed for a day. Maybe they would have children—little boys or even a baby girl. He might be able to love a little girl, if she could learn to hunt.
Doug heard a branch break and he stopped dead. His head barely topped the brush here and a deer could easily have been hiding nearby. He listened, every muscle stiff and tight. Silence. Then a jack rabbit burst from the underbrush and sped away from him. He relaxed and his thoughts returned to his girl.
Unc’s bullet ripped through his heart before he heard the shot.
Doug started to fall when he saw it.
How he and Unc hadn’t already seen the two-story wooden cross being built in the middle of the desert confounded Doug. The racket of hammers, saws, and pulleys was enormous. Strangest of all, the builders were angels. They flew down to collect boards, sawed to the correct length by other angels, and soared back up—packing the wood on one shoulder to more angels who attached the pieces with nails and ancient mallets. The angels were robed, filthy, and sweating. Despite the heat of the day, they worked at an amazing pace.
Standing at the foot of the cross was a man with his hands on his hips. Though he lacked wings, he was similarly robed, yet less dirty. In place of a halo was a hard hat. He turned suddenly, as if Doug had surprised him, and then approached.
“What are you doing here, boy? We aren’t hiring off the street.” His eyes were bright blue, his pale face sunburned on his nose and cheeks. His voice was deep, soothing. Long blond hair slipped the restraints of his hard hat to dangle around his glowing face.
“Jesus?” asked Doug.
“That’s what they call me.” Jesus produced a can of Copenhagen from within his robe. He snapped the can several times with his middle finger to pack the chew to one side. He put a huge dip in his lip and then proceeded to light a cigarette.
“I sure didn’t think the Son of God would smoke and chew. Especially at the same time.”
“Why not? Did I ever say you shouldn’t smoke? Or chew?” Jesus flicked ash off his cigarette and fired a thin stream of tobacco-spit into some sagebrush. “All this moralizing is kind of hard to take from someone doing toot.”
“No one calls it that anymore.”
“Whatever,” said Jesus. “What are you doing here boy?”
“Well I was just hunting and then I heard this shot—”
“Hold on,” said Jesus as he turned to bellow at one particularly ragged angel, “Does that look level to you? Christ, you have an eye like a dead fish! Slap your whiskey stick on there. You obviously can’t eyeball it.” He turned back to Doug. “Sorry about that.”
“Is this real?” asked Doug.
“What?”
“This…all this? The cross? You?”
“Oh, I thought you meant the world in general,” said Jesus. “Yes, I’m real. So is the cross. As real as anything else. Nice, huh?” Jesus spit again. “That baby’s going to be tits on a Ritz when these sorry sacks finish up. Carpenter angels—I’ll tell you—they’re hung-over on Monday and half-drunk on Friday. Only good three days a week.” Jesus removed his hard hat to wipe his brow.
“If this is real,” said Doug, “then that means there’s a Hell. So, there is a Hell, right?”
“Kind of. Not like you’re thinking. People make their own versions. I don’t have much to do with all that.” Jesus shrugged and lit another cigarette. He offered one to Doug, but put the pack away when Doug only stared at him.
“Am I going to go to Heaven?” asked Doug.
“Do you want to?”
“Well. Yeah.”
“I don’t know.” Jesus shook his head. “Drunk on Sunday, doing cocaine all the time, having lustful thoughts.” Jesus counted off the sins on one hand, the lit end of his cigarette bobbing up and down as he spoke. Doug felt a profound terror hatching in his gut.
“Oh, Father, please forgive my sins! I am weak, I fell prey to the Devil—”
“The Devil?” Jesus cleaned the dip from his lip and laughed. “Relax, I’m just kidding. You can go to Heaven if you want.”
“So all them other religions, they’re wrong?” asked Doug. “I knew it.”
“No, no. They’re not wrong. How could they be wrong, Doug?” asked Jesus. “They all come from the same place. There is only one place to come from, after all. This is all there is.” Jesus held his arms out, extended from his body, as if to hug the whole world. Or die again. “You experience what you perceive. Or is it the other way around? I forget. I never was much of a philosopher, despite the rumors.” Jesus dropped his smoke in the desert dust and ground it with his heel. “Truth is, it doesn’t matter what you believe. You want to believe this?” Jesus swept his hand toward the cross and laboring angels. “That’s fine. Believe it. Go on son. You’re saved.”
Doug hit the ground, his heart in tatters.
Just Talking
These last few months, I’ve become relatively sober, and my head is starting to clear up (I was usually a functional guy), but I’m finding I feel like “me” all the time. I’m still up and down like a rollercoaster, like so many others, but there’s more of a steadiness in my head now.
I also found my life still waiting here with all the rise and fall of sensation, all the push and pull of my emotions, and I’m finding the whole process a lot easier to deal with. I can’t help but feel a little bad that I spent so much time caught up in addiction and alcoholism, that I haven’t really pushed myself as hard as I should have in my writing, my art, and the the things that are worth doing because they are difficult. But, hey man, that was my path and every step eventually lead me to this kind of half-assed, shaky peace. But I tell you what, I feel it taking root in my heart, which was a place I filled with hate for a long, and difficult time.
Now I see blessings every day. I went from an atheist skeptic, to a skeptical believer in the unity of all things, because in my best moments I experienced it for a sublime but fleeting moment. And those moments are the best reminders to me that we live, we suffer, we desire, we love if we’re lucky, and sooner or later the flesh stops containing us. And that’s hard on the people who stay behind, but you know, what can you do?
I guess, really, I’m grateful that I have life left in me. Many of my friends went before me and I’m not even that old (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).
If you’re reading this, I want you to know, I genuinely wish the best for you. And if you’re not reading this, I still wish the best for you. And if you’re feeling good, I urge you to share that good energy with someone, in some way, if you can. Lord knows there’s plenty of fuckery afoot to go around.
Don’t give up. Stay positive (as you can). Someone told me the definition of “kung-fu” is excellence, achieved through effort, over time. You can have a kung-fu of cooking, fighting, teasing squares, whatever. I hope you have a kung-fu of some kind in your life. And I hope you can get everything you need.
Thanks for checking this out, if you got this far. I hope it was a satisfying use of your precious time.
I know I feel better.
The Struggle
Crawling, kicking, scratching, fighting
Slipping more with each attempt
Straining,running, falling, failing
then....
SNAP
The antlion is full
Four Storm Haiku Variations
There's a keening wind
Blowing lonely through my door
Grey the sky outside
There's a keening wind
Blowing loneliness through me
Grey and howling sky
There's a keening wind
That haunts me like a banshee
Tears fall from the sky
The sky--grey chaos
A keening wind blows through me
Lonely is the storm
A Dream
I want to breathe the Tao
Merge with cosmic oceans
and flow through eternity as
a wave of consciousness
diffusing endlessly through infinity
my ego dissolving into divine Love
and Unity with All-There-Is

Never Give Up 2025
Roughly five years ago my mom died, and I was laid off the same week. I took full advantage of the pandemic and stopped paying my rent. At the time, I felt the money would be better used to purchase heroin and put off grieving as long as possible. Of course, this wasn’t a conscious decision, and I didn’t realize what I had done until much later.
Since I’d already been an IV opiate addict for over a decade, all I had to do to fall into kind of deathly trance was not resist. I passed four months on my ratty couch driving black tar into my veins and surrendering to apathy. I didn’t look for work, I didn’t write, I didn’t do shit but feel sorry for myself and alone in the world, even though I wasn’t. I’m not proud of this behavior, nor did I suspect how hard I could make things for myself by fucking off those four short months.
I rode my unemployment benefits until the wheels fell off the engine seized up. I grudgingly went back to work building fences and decks for a shady, poorly managed mom and pop general contractor. The company that handled the messy business of renting to a crook like me had little leverage to oust me from the brick apartment I’d come to call home, so they offered to forgive my past-due rent, and even allow me a clean rental history if I would kindly get the fuck out of Dodge. I saw it for the great deal it was, and talked my uncle into letting me rent a room in exchange for $400 a month and free carpentry labor to remodel his home.
For six months I hustled side jobs, defrauded the government, smoked fentanyl, drove broke down, unregistered vehicles that did not belong to me (not that I had drivers license anyway) and did my best to deal with my deranged, drug-addled thief of a relative (not my uncle–he’s always been cool). Life was difficult to say the least.
I spent the next six months living in my work partner’s garage–forbidden by his ultra religious wife to enter any other part of the home for any reason. I was happy to have that much. I kept hustling what work I could find, washing my clothes in buckets and shitting either in garbage bags or gas stations, and spending any money I made on fentanyl. At this point it was becoming clear, even to a dense junkie like me, that this lifestyle was not only unsustainable, but leading me to some unhappy combination of incarceration, madness, and death.
Life continued like this for another year: me getting the boot for one reason or another every six months, struggling constantly to keep working, keep out of jail, keep a vehicle running, keep getting high enough to make the wasteland I’d let my life become seem tolerable.
I found out how true it is to say “It’s darkest before the dawn.”
I lost the car I’d fought savagely to keep on the road to the impound, but not before pawning my tools to and try and save it. I developed bronchitis, and the DA caught up to the temp agency I’d been working at and started taking so much of my check that I couldn’t afford to work there. I didn’t have money for food. I couldn’t pay the rent at the weekly where I stayed. I was already hungry and about to be homeless for real.
The last day I had in the weekly I spent enrolling in a sober living program. I was ashamed to see my kids (had been for a while), I felt unemployable, and unworthy of anyone’s love. The day I committed to being sober, doors that had been welded shut started springing open. I found a job with easily the best employer I’ve ever had. I went to intensive therapy and lived with the craziest muthafuckers I’ve ever met, but I started feeling something I had almost forgotten I could feel: happiness. I knew hope again. I was a drowning man pulled suddenly aboard.
Now, it’s been a long road filled with plenty of slides back into old ways, but as 2025 dawned, a serenity I have never felt so strongly before has taken root in my being. I’m positive, I’m active, I’m actually happy now, not just aching to be that way. And all I can say now is “Thank You.” I rejoice in the gift of each day given to me by Creator God. I feel absolutely lucky to have this measure of peace and confidence in that which is life-affirming.
If you’re going through it, please, please, please never give up. Life is an ever-unfolding wonder.
More haiku
Crazies everywhere
Stumble screaming in the streets
Each night I walk home
I don’t trust at all
The ones who run this country
Always weaving lies
I was full of hate
For too long when I was young
A vile way to live
If Kills Could Look
I am under spiritual attack by my government. The so-called “poison” they used on the roaches has only made them stronger, increasing their predatory weight by more than 155.341%. Bastards even used trained bed bugs on me. I knew it was them because they scanned me in the second grade to procure future infobytes and ways to re-format me. That’s how they found out I was terrified of bed bugs, and the reality of that demonic, government infestation was far more terrible than my childhood imaginings.
I went deep though. I flipped the script as I heard someone cool say once. –on them. I flipped the script on them. I never was good at being cool. The bed bugs tried to eat me, but I ate them first. They’d grow fat on my bloody essence, and I’d replenish my vitals by trapping the fattest, most alpha bugs in-between my molars, which I used to grind them into distasteful chi. O, how they feared me then! Fuck you, police state; I know how you operate. Often you ensnared my bedazzled wits with your psychic propaganda. You even recruited my friends to the CIA for an evening to force me to believe aliens were using LSD to speak to me through the TV.
And they were!
But I had no use for believing that, and it haunts me periodically still.
The Priests of Judas revealed your Eye In The Sky; revelry led to revelation and putrid inner revolution, but the real solution was all illusion. I know, a bit confusing, somewhat amusing, and it’s why for so long I kept right on using. A crazy person accused me of being interested in what she was saying, and I tell truthfully I absolutely was not going to tell the truth because the Truth doesn’t need me to. It’s fine without my spurious help. I always felt bad for Wile E. Coyote, and I know for sure why Charlie Brown kept trying to kick that fucking bitch in the pussy.
Caveat: taking any of these meds seriously is an emotional metal disease infusion, and should be avoided if one feels like being dodgy. And always remember: even if you study as hard as you can, I still won’t understand.