Just Talking

These last few months, I’ve become relatively sober, and my head is starting to clear up ( I was usually a functional guy), but I’m finding I feel like “me” all the time. I’m still up and down like a rollercoaster, like so many others, but there’s more of a steadiness in my head now.

I also found my life still waiting here with all the rise and fall of sensation, all the push and pull of my emotions, and I’m finding the whole process a lot easier to deal with. I can’t help but feel a little bad that I spent so much time caught up in addiction and alcoholism, that I haven’t really pushed myself as hard as I should have in my writing, my art, and the the things that are worth doing because they are difficult. But, hey man, that was my path and every step eventually lead me to this kind of half-assed, shaky peace. But I tell you what, I feel it taking root in my heart, which was a place I filled with hate for a long, and difficult time.

Now I see blessings every day. I went from an atheist skeptic, to a skeptical believer in the unity of all things, because in my best moments I experienced it for a sublime but fleeting moment. And those moments are the best reminders to me that we live, we suffer, we desire, we love if we’re lucky, and sooner or later the flesh stops containing us. And that’s hard on the people who stay behind, but you know, what can you do?

I guess, really, I’m grateful that I have life left in me. Many of my friends went before me and I’m not even that old (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

If you’re reading this, I want you to know, I genuinely wish the best for you. And if you’re not reading this, I still wish the best for you. And if you’re feeling good, I urge you to share that good energy with someone, in some way, if you can. Lord knows there’s plenty of fuckery afoot to go around.

Don’t give up. Stay positive (as you can). Someone told me the definition of “kung-fu” is excellence, achieved through effort, over time. You can have a kung-fu of cooking, fighting, teasing squares, whatever. I hope you have a kung-fu of some kind in your life. And I hope you can get everything you need.

Thanks for checking this out, if you got this far. I hope it was a satisfying use of your precious time.

I know I feel better.